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Dec 29, 2012

I Won't Let Go

So in an earlier post, I mentioned that I find emotional healing a lot of times through music.  In particular, I talked about the song, "I Won't Let Go," by Rascal Flatts.  Today, I'm yet again grateful for that song.
It's Christmas break here.  The kids are in year-round school, so their Christmas break is a month long.  It's time for survival mode.  Kevin is currently in the middle of three-day duty station, which means that he has to stay overnight every three days on the ship.  My kids are not doing well.  Part of autism is having a routine, and when they get a break from school, they get bored, they don't know what to expect, etc.  They regress. I'm especially having problems with Caiti.  She has been getting upset so often.  She has been engaging in some self-injurious behaviors, and unfortunately, she has also started hurting other people.  I finally gave in and called my psychiatrist to set up an appointment for her...which will be after she is back in school.  It's going to be interesting, if he does decide to put her on meds, how we will get them inside of her.  She's not very cooperative in that category.  Perhaps the most frustrating part of autism is their communication difficulties.  It is hard to know what is bothering them, if they are in pain, etc.  Thus, it is hard to know how to address the behaviors that happen as a result of their inability to get their needs met in the way they want them too.
I woke up this morning dreading my day.  I had the feeling of fear in my gut that it would be yet another hard day where I wouldn't know how to keep my kids happy.  I decided to read some of my earlier blog posts, and I came upon the one about emotional healing through music.  I listened, yet again, to the Rascal Flatts song, "I Won't Let Go."  The words reminded me that my children can't always fight their own fights, and I'm there to "Fight (their) fight...hold (them) tight.  And i won't let go."
I decided I needed that reminder up where I could see it when I'm discouraged.  I spent the morning making this to hang on my wall.

Dec 19, 2012

Sweet Babies

As an autism mommy, I'm grateful for my beautiful kids who somehow can tell when I'm feeling sad or down.    I know that empathy and emotions/social skills are hard for these kids, but they do get it.  I know this because if I'm having a sad day, they are better behaved, climb up in my lap and give me snuggles, lean into me while we sit on the couch.  They intuitively know what I need at that time.  Their sweetness is like a band-aid to my wounded heart.

Dec 16, 2012

Just Keep Swimming

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the movie, "Finding Nemo."  Not only do I love it because my kids just recently discovered it and it takes their attention for a couple hours, but I found the Disney character I most relate with.  Her name is Dory!  Just like Dory, I forget what I'm doing every two seconds.  I might start claiming I have short-term memory loss, just to justify my forgetfulness.  Or maybe Dory also has ADD...which is very possible.  Just as Dory made unlikely friends with the Sharks, the whales, etc., I have found friends that I would never have gotten to know without the unforseen situations of being a military wife and being an autism mom.  I can learn from Nemo's daddy and Dory, when they found themselves in the scary situation of being in the midst of a bunch of jelly fish.  They turned that situation into a fun game which got them through.  That is something I can appreciate, making the best out of hard times, focusing on the positive.  Most of all, I'm grateful for the little nugget of wisdom and one of the best pieces of advice out there; Dory's famous line, "Just keep swimming!"

Addendum:  I don't know how I missed this lesson earlier.  Might be the most important one.  Nemo is a cute little special needs fish.  He only has one fin.  Because of this, his daddy holds him back in so many ways.  He thinks he is protecting him.  When they are separated, Nemo learns so many things that he can do because the fish in the tank believe in him.  Sometimes, as a parent, I set my expectations too low because of my childrens' disability, but I'm grateful for those tutors, friends, loved ones in their lives that help them exceed those expectations and succeed.  

Dec 8, 2012

My Kevi

As an autism mom, I couldn't be the mother I am today without my husband Kevin.  He is a cute daddy.  He has such a soft spot in his heart for his babies.  

He goes to work every day for our children.  Kevin joined the Navy for his babies.  I remember how hard it was for him when I had Jason while he was still in basic training.  It was such a sweet moment to introduce Jason to his daddy at his basic training graduation.  No joke, Jason's very first smile was the first time Kevin held him.  Jason obviously recognized his daddy.
Kevin has been on a couple of deployments now, which are so hard for him, but he gets through them by thinking about what he is working for.  He sacrifices in this way to bring security for his family and good benefits for our kids.
Kevin and I started out as friends, and it took us a while to figure out that we were becoming more than that.  Once we did, though, we  knew we were going to be together forever.  I am definitely not going to lie and say everything has been easy, but I'm so grateful that we have both taken the high road on different occasions and decided to work through things.  I'm so thankful that the friendship we started with has continued and that we are able to use that friendship to make life funner, make each other laugh, and have an easier time trying to love each other unconditionally.  I love him so much, and I'm so grateful God led me to the best person to be the father of my children.